The irony of life and how to laugh it in the face.

I wrote to my ex-boyfriend a few days ago. Not hearing from him for 23 months and how we actually broke-up made me think the letter was nothing but pointless. And yet, he replied the next day. Telling me how his life had changed and wondering how I had been over the time was quite nice but I couldn't leave it that way and I asked why he had never messaged me. I mean, we were talking like good friends now but what about the relationship that vanished so easily? It was a long distance relationship, yes but we were exchanging good words to one another for a year, we made plans for the next one, we had a meeting place the next summer but he never appeared. And so this was over.
At first I was angry and dissapointed but it all went away when I got to know someone else. A perfect man, tall, handsome, funny, smart, brave, a soldier... He had one flaw, though: he couldn't stop sleeping around. But when I realized he was no good, it was too late: I had already fallen in love with him. So deeply everytime he would come back from some girl's house in the morning, even though I knew were he had been, I was just so happy to see him again. We worked together and lived in a staff house, we spent time together but we were never a relationship. He just couldn't do it that time. Having just been broken up with, the random sex was his therapy. And all the time it seemed like I wasn't as important to him as I thought.
The summer came and went. Me and The Soldier had lost contact. Till January this year. In this short but oh, so powerful text he apologized for not keeping in touch and asked how I was. Things were great and in April he suddenly told me he was in love with me. My perfect man has said it finally! The long wait has finally paid off. Till June things were even better, we would talk everyday. My hopes were rising higher and higher everyday.
And then I came back for the third summer to find out he had already found someone else. And so this was over.

I'm writing all this because of what The First One has said in his last letter to me and how it relates to the situation with The Soldier. Words I didn't care to hear from The First One and would give so much to hear from The Soldier.

I'm hoping it's never too late to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't get back to England. I'm so sorry I lost you as a friend. I still think of you often and hope you're doing well. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say this to you. I'm sorry I never said all the things I really wanted to say to you.
I'm on a boat off northern Natal or Zululand. There are no lights on land and I can hear the splash of the Indian Ocean swells roll beneath me. I was asleep a moment ago. I woke up with a full moon reflecting off a clean ocean flooding my cabin and my head is full of you.
Telling you I'm sorry is not my only reason for writing. I also want to say thank you. I met you at a fairly strange time in my life. I was a big black mess. You turned that around and changed it into something beautiful. I often think back to our Cornish summer and have so many good memories that I will never forget. Thank you.
Dobranoc.

The irony of life... but I still don't know how to laugh it in the face.

30.10.2010, 8:00

A ghost spoke to me this morning. I don't know if I was dreaming then, maybe, but I'd rather believe I was not. And besides it seemed quite realistic. I can't remember what it said to me and I don't remember why I thought I could trust it but I said in return: "Promise I'll meet someone soon". Slightly still dreaming I opened my eyes and for a brief moment I felt someone's presence in the room, despite there was no answer.